The Smoke and Mirrors of Positivity

rejection-620x412We live in a world awash with the need to be positive and the need to play nicely with one another. Organisations, institutions & positivity guru’s have, according to Barbara Ehrenreich, hijacked positive psychology to espouse the virtues of “if you have nothing positive to say – don’t say anything at all“. Ehrenreich’s book “Smile or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America and the World” makes a compelling argument to suggest that positive thinking resulted in the misguided invasion of Iraq, global financial crash, the collapse of Lehman Bank and the sub prime mortgage scandal. Anyone brave enough to counter the positive delusions or the belief in the mandatory positivity, optimism and cheerfulness were told to shut up, sidelined or fired. The proposed collective wilful ignorance highlights that if the negatives were ignored then all would be fine. Clearly they were not fine.

The film “Up in the Air” (2009) George Clooney’s character Ryan Bingham showcases the art of spinning a positive scenario for people facing redundancy. The workforce will still feel the pain, rejection and abandonment but the business has been conducted positively for the company making the workers redundant.

Smoke & Mirrors

However, the illusion of positivity creates a sense of control upon us, that ensures that we inculcate all involved into the belief it will all be OK if we believe in positive thinking. Indeed there is a sense that we can change our world by just thinking positively – almost as if we have a positivity magnet that will attract whatever our hearts desire.

Positive thinking suggests a better life will suddenly appear when the latest positivity guru pop’s up with the next vacuous clichéd pseudo-inspirational quote to help us feel great.  By simply adjusting our attitude. Needless to say, it won’t happen. We may feel great for a little while but the guru has no more investment in you other than getting you to buy their next book, or attend the next nauseating “Billy Graham-esque” evangelical positivity conference. Indeed this perspective is akin to the Pollyanna Syndrome (or positivity-bias), defined as being when someone who is blindly or foolishly optimistic, almost delusional.

Its Never as Simple as Negative and Positive

Clearly, not everyone will agree with Barbara Ehrenreich’s world view. However, we arrive at a point that rational realism and an emotional agility is missing from or organisations and within our daily lives. There are countless common sense ideas on how to become positive and happier; be kind, count your blessings,work less, spend more time with friends and family & everything in moderation. Of course there is every reason to believe that this is not a panacea to becoming happier. According to positive psychologists Dr Todd Kashdan & Dr Robert Biswas-Diener (2015) we have gone about promoting happiness and positivity in all the wrong ways. We are encouraged to ignore negativity and focus upon the positives. Indeed we don’t actually need to choose between a negative or positive but move toward a more emotionally agile to match our emotions to the situation.

Clearly being happy & positive is a good thing and beneficial to us all in our lives. However, “in a world where rejection, failure, self doubt, hypocrisy, loss, boredom, annoying and objectionable people are inevitable (the authors) reject that the notion of positivity is the only place to look for answers” (Kashdan & Biswas-Diener 2015).  So what is the answer to gain an emotionally agile life, to be in a better position to embrace both positive and negative emotions to promote “wholeness”  (Kashdan et al 2015). Indeed the authors go on to cite a number of evidenced based studies that extol the virtues and how the affects of negative emotions are in fact more beneficial and life affirming than positive in some instances. Moreover a  great deal of memories and learning experiences develop when we are experiencing negativity or dis-comfort in one shape or form. Learning to live with negative emotions and giving them space to help us see that boredom is the affect of not enough stimulus (but can stimulate creativity), or feeling guilt because we have crossed a moral line somewhere. This information is telling us we just need to adjust something in our lives and, more to the point, we can tolerate these emotions and the discomfort they sometimes bring.

The belief we need to control our perceived negative emotions may be wrong, and that the cult of the positive is stifling emotional growth. Without promoting the emotional intelligence necessary to be able to feel guilt, shame, disgust or fear etc, and how to use the action tendencies or feedback being given we will just have an indeterminate “bad” feeling. As a result want to move away from the pain and discomfort that may just help us become balanced and emotionally happy.

More often than not we can’t actually categorise human emotion we feel so cannot use the information provided by them as we do not have a construct for them. Just end up with a bad feeling or just don’t have the words to describe how we feel.  So although at times we may have a preponderance of negative emotions in our lives, the key is the become more aware and to clarify them. As a result these emotions no-longer have the toxicity that we associate with them.

And Finally………………..

I appreciate that if you got this far with this post you have gone way beyond the call of duty. However, the positivity illusions lead us to suppress those range of negative emotions that will help us grow and hopefully listen to a fear or anxiety that things may going wrong around us. How many times have we been to an interview and felt the disappointment of not doing very well or the entrepreneur who is narcissistic or the arrogant belief that their business will succeed.

Optimism & positivity serves a purpose and will help the job seeker and the entrepreneur however, without these repackaging so-called negative emotions the entrepreneur is unlikely to make the business work or the next interview will go better as we need these motivations. Negative emotions do not need to be enacted upon so acknowledging this is what anger feels like for example is enough, or maybe we need to use the triggers of the feeling to understand how we have arrived at the point of anger and frustration. Therefore having a choice to take time out to recognise things aren’t great currently and not being bamboozled by those espousing positivity, will give us all the space to know we will be just fine and we will survive these feelings.  Indeed our emotions act as a metaphysical thumbs up or thumbs down, letting us know how we are doing and what to pay attention to.  Recognising these negative emptions will help us to become healthier and more emotionally agile to manage situations and have the tools to springboard us to happier positive life.

 

References 

Ehrenreich, B. (2010) “Smile or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America and the World” Granta, London

Kashdan, T. B & Biswas-Diener, R. (2015)  “The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self” Plume Books, New York

I can’t get no…………Job Satisfaction.

images (31)On a recent trip to my local discount supermarket, my attention was drawn to members of the staff team looking, well, thoroughly miserable and bored with being at work. They seemed to be just going through the motions, no eye contact with customers or co-workers, no smiles or any joy in being there. Now I do appreciate it is a supermarket and it may not be the type of job that makes you bound out of bed singing hallelujah and praise be to be going to work. However, it seems to be a common theme that runs through all members of this staff team. Its almost as though the business is made more difficult by having customers in the store rather than an opportunity to engage with your customers & co-workers and enjoy yourself more. For my sins, I have visited supermarkets in many different countries, and enjoy a rummage around the shelves, as seems to help me to get into the culture of the place and understand the people a little better. My local discount supermarket seems to stand head an shoulders above all others as being a miserable and unsatisfying place to work. The impression then is one of no fun, targets to meet, productivity to maintain and encouraged not to bother customers with any contact what so ever.  For risk of not loading the shelves or getting customers through the checkout in record time.

So that got my juices flowing in what constitutes job satisfaction, do we all have it, or have a right to be satisfied in what we do. Is it the case we have some jobs just for the money – so head down and just get the shift done, smile and take the money. Or is there more to life at work that we should be looking for and ensuring is in place to help us make the most of what we do, more to the point why we do what we do.

Job satisfaction is important not just because it boosts enjoyment, happiness and work performance but it also increases our quality of life at work and home. Many people spend so much time at work that when it becomes highly dissatisfying, the rest of their life soon follows suit. Studies from psychology suggest that the top satisfiers are:-

  1. Fair Pay – Whatever job you do, for you to be satisfied the pay should be fair. The bigger the perceived difference between what you think you should earn and what you do earn the less satisfied you’ll be.
  2. Sense of achievement – we feel more satisfied with our jobs when we have achieved something. As smaller cogs in larger machines it may be difficult to tell what we’re contributing.
  3. Positive feedback – Getting negative feedback can be very painful but at least it tells you where you can improve. On the other hand positive feedback can make all the difference to how satisfied people feel in their jobs.
  4. Variety – To be satisfied people need to be challenged a little and they need some variety in the tasks they carry out. It sounds easy when put like that but many jobs offer neither complexity nor variety such as our discount supermarket.
  5. Control – If people aren’t given any control, they may well attempt to retake it by finding other ways to undermine the system. Psychologists suggest that people who work in jobs where they have little latitude find their work very stressful and consequently unsatisfying.
  6. Support from the organisation – Workers want to know their organisation cares about them, that they are getting something back for what they put in. This is primarily communicated through how the managers treat us etc. Generally if people perceive more organisational support, they experience higher job satisfaction.

When you look at this list of what makes for a satisfying jobs, it makes you wonder why everyone can’t have one. With a little thought and motivation by HR & management, most of the predictors of job satisfaction can easily be provided. However, the answer is as you can probably appreciate not quite that simple.

Organisations tend pay lip-service to keeping their employees satisfied, but many don’t really believe or have objective measures to know it makes a difference. What research shows us is that it can make a huge difference. If you’re a business is looking to improve job satisfaction in a workplace then start with the list noted above and work through them to reflect upon where you and the workforce are with workers job satisfaction. It may not appear to be much but it will make a huge difference to people on the shop floor and hopefully my local discount supermarket with be a nicer place for me and the workforce to be.

 

Image http://www.seven-health.com/

The Home Workers Strategy (whilst still having a life)

A messy desk at homeA lot of people tell me that moving toward home working is easy, just decide one day that its going to happen and there you go…………..right? Without a plan and thinking thoroughly about your run and jump into home working you might want to think again. Interested well read on.

Many organisations for lots of different reasons close offices and decide that the workforce can work from a home base. Generally there is a shrug of the collective shoulders, you pick up your laptop, a phone and off you go. No planning, no discussions at home of what it may mean to the family or how you will manage the available space.

Mum’s and Dad’s going back to work after a baby might not want to be away from their precious one, so this options will help them get back to the work they love. Again jumping in with both feet might work but when you plan the home working thing with work and family in mind its potentially a win win situation.

Here is a quick check list of things I use to help business and individuals move positively toward home working bliss.

  • Get the right technology and support for technology sorted out quickly. Being on your own to sort out broken computers, sufficient broadband, mobile phone signal etc can be challenging. Make sure you have a back up system for both files and hardware , so the stress of things going pop is reduced.
  • Talk to the family. Ensure that families and especially children understand what is happening. Let them have their input into the transitional process.
  • Decide on where you will situate your office space. This goes back to families once more, as excess clutter and paper work can cause quite a lot of stress and conflict. A corner of a living room is fine but what disturbance will you get and what hours will you be able to work most productively without being bothered?
  • If you are lucky you can convert a bedroom or garage. Again spend time planning and setting this out so you feel you are at work and away from home.
  • Commute to work. Yes I know you are working at home but a trip to the newsagents or bakers in the morning helps you get your head in the right space for work.
  • Decide upon how to maintain your social connections. Meet colleagues at the many hotels with lobbies that have coffee shops and catch up with friends when you can.
  • Do not get dragged into working too long – presenteeism is a serious problem for home based working.
  • Keep technology away from the bedroom and yes I mean phones, TV’s and computers. You need your sleep to be effective at work and yes that means home based workers too.
  • Start a homeworkers coffee morning or lunch club. Great for small business owners to mix, get ideas & network.
  • Most of all enjoy the home working experience. Enjoy the flexibility and the chance for a better lifestyle for you and your family. Plus with planning get a great deal of work done whilst sitting at home.

So all is not lost for home based working just needs a bit of careful planning and bit of negotiation and most of all commitment to make it work. Good luck and most of all have fun with the change to more flexible working.

Call or email me for details of my strategies for successful home working and my upcoming book “How to Work at Home & Stay Sane”

A Question of Culture – bullying or just banter?

indexFor us here in the UK we have been reading and discussing an incident on a television program “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here”, where a contestant was believed to verbally bullied another member of the group. Now in his defence the person doing the alleged bullying stated it was just banter and that it was accepted between both parties that it was just that a bit of fun. However, the watching audience saw the incident differently. The cry of “bully” and abuse rang around the corridors of the media for at least 36 hours until another minor incident subsumed the short attention span. Though the incident raised an issue in the contemporary workplace between groups and individuals of what does constitutes abuse & bullying and what is just consigned to being banter. What is the cut off point between verbal jousting and causing offence? Hopefully exploring this cultural issue can shed some light on the moral maze we all seem to encounter at work and within organisations.

Having experienced may different working environments banter and joking can be fun, reduce stress and raise morale within the group but it can be difficult to recognise when harmless fun becomes bullying, victimisation or even discrimination. Personal jokes and banter, friendly insults and quips are often how we interact in the workplace, at social gatherings or when we meet up with our friends and family. Sometimes closer friendships and the degree of familiarity allow for insults or name calling to be exchanged, with lasting effects of feelings or upset. Clearly everyone is comfortable and shares the laughter and enjoyment.

The darker side of the banter questions can happen when a person is singled out to be the butt of repeated personal attention and cutting comments and then the banter can become harmful to the person concerned. It is clearly no longer fun and the line between banter and bullying or discrimination has been crossed. However, what is the tipping point pushing banter over into abuse and discrimination and subsequent personal isolation and upset.

It is difficult for employees to know and comprehend when the line is about to be crossed and have the confidence to tell colleagues that enough is enough.  Factory life (mainly male dominated) can be tough for the thin skinned. Sometimes personal differences will be highlighted with a nick name or term that describes the person that clearly identifies them to the group. Its usually not overly complementary so can be hard to come to terms with. Usually the shift team are bonded as a group and the ribald banter is part and parcel of your working life.  This environment is similar to male dominated dressing rooms in sport, it is this culture that the alleged celebrity bully comes from. Perhaps then exhibits a different tolerance to the banter than other groups?  There is a hierarchy and men occupy roles within the group. The banter is part of the motivation and bonding process to suggest although we can have some fun at each others expense we are a team. Its easy to make some lazy hypothesis to suggest its men that allow banter, experience in female dominated environments suggests otherwise.  The banter is there but in a different more subtle form. Perhaps more passive aggressive, less obvious but nevertheless still present within the group. Of course this is a generalisation and there always exceptions to the rule.

So In principle the bullying or banter question is about context and culture within the group and the organisation. When cultures collide i.e. a factory or dressing room toward families sitting in their armchairs at home & media hacks, then perceptions on the interaction change.  We formally accept different rules and expectations within different environments. Psychologically called attributions. A attribution is the process by which individuals explain the causes of behavior and events. So home life is different than being at work, out with friends or in the dressing room. Behaviour and language adapt to the different environment and cultural expectations. I am sure you speak to your friends differently to your line manager to your family? So the term bully is very difficult to define or attribute from a distance unless we understand that the people concerned consent to the interaction rule of engagement.

Tbe bullying and banter question is a moral maze. Measuring it by external standards through a politically correct lens will no doubt always veer toward bullying as these robust interactions do not appear polite or appropriate from a distance.  However we may need to take time to understand the different cultures we exist within and what rules apply and to whom before we make snap judgements. Understanding how we attribute events and behaviours with different groups will no doubt help us look behind the smoke and mirrors of society, social interactions and groups. Bulling cannot be tolerated but where do we draw the line for wholesome and group bonding banter? A question for us all to cogitate.

 

The Natural Selection of Business & Careers

download (3)Now I am sure we all know the Darwinian model of natural selection & the five theories contained within. If you need a short reminder have a quick look at this very informative web site run by Christ’s College in Cambridge http://darwin200.christs.cam.ac.uk/pages/ (accessed 3/11/2014). So the question is how can these theories be applied to shedding an alternative light upon how businesses evolve and how your career “fits” the environment, the shifting sands of time, skills and your ability to “mutate” into a new job or career path.

Coupled Darwin’s theory and the term “survival of the fittest” developed by Herbert Spencer to help explain his understanding of natural selection, we arrive at everyday terms to describe how life and for that matter business & careers can (in theory) develop. Needless to say these theories have been hijacked to fit may different ideologies and moral standpoints to sometimes disastrous effect. Such as Social Darwinism that is thought to be responsible for laissez-faire attitudes to war, economics & racism.

The Business of Natural Selection

By this time I am sure your imagination is starting to make the connections between natural selection, survival of the fittest and how businesses & careers are born, develop and sometimes die. Businesses have to compete for resources, evolve through small but distinct stages and that some variants or mutations may help them adapt better to their environment. Apple is a good example of a variation that produce many products that are internally similar to other technology companies (Mp3 players, PC’s, laptops, etc) they just do things differently with distinct styling and pretty boxes. Thus have mutated into a distinct species within the landscape. Its a high wire act and difficult to maintain, as if the mutation looses its distinct adaptation to the environment then they become generalists.

The generalists are other technology companies struggling for resources (profit). These generalists are all fighting for the same slice of the market so have to be nimble, agile and smart to fit products to business opportunities that arise. Products are not generally high value items such as Apple products but more standard offerings that will be less expensive but high volume to make the margins. Similar to species of birds, mammals & rodents – all fighting for the same meagre resources to survive in changing environments. Its hard for both generalists & specialists to survive as there has one eye on changing climates and barriers to their success. Competition is tough for businesses as with species of animals & plants are after the same resources unless they can evolve to adapt before others or sadly die out. I am sure as you are reading this you can apply similar stories to businesses & market sectors that you know? Of course there is nothing more compelling than a good theory – just reality gets in the way!

How does your Career “Fit”

The term “fit & fitness” can of course mean many things but in terms of your career we can use the theory to overlay your skills, abilities, knowledge of your job and how your career trajectory fits into the changing landscape of work. I wager you job or work is not the same as it was a few years ago and that you and your work is evolving steadily. Your job may have been made redundant in the past and had to make significant adaptations of your skills and abilities through re-training or re-branding yourself into a distinctly new career species? There are many ways that your evolution and you may have been naturally selected to give your career and working life an advantage.

The big question is now – does your skill set and career fit with where you need to be? Do you perhaps take a risk and mutate into a new career path or do you find new and novel adaptations to re-invent yourself to help maintain your competitive edge? To that aim I have put together a list of actions to help consider your evaluation career options and interested to hear what else your would add?

  • Identify what works well for you that gives you a competitive edge. May be a skill, an ability, an easy way of doing things others find hard, or even just a different way of thinking. Is it truly an advantage? Does it give really you an edge? Can you repeat it and give you that competitive edge?
  • Now that you have found it – cultivate it deliberately. Refine it, add to it & focus on it. Move on from those things you don’t do so well, build that competitive advantage and not trying to catch up with what others find easier than you do.
  • Now you have found and developed one great career adaptation, find another and keep repeating the process. Create as many natural advantages as you can. See what works and go with it, regardless of whether it’s what you expected or not.
  • Always spend time doing what you do best. Don’t forget your positive attributes, skills and knowledge, ignore them are your peril. By identifying development areas you are aiming to support your strengths enabling you to evolve positively.

Hopefully the short list will help with the adaptations as no species has ever thrived by working on its weaknesses and forgetting about its natural strengths. Don’t try to go against the way that natural selection works with careers and business – go with it and prosper. Creating your competitive edge, overcoming barriers, exploiting your natural attributes and planning for your future will no doubt help you (or your business) see environmental changes as a challenge so you can adapt and manage change effectively. So don’t be a Panda eeking out an existence on bamboo alone – be more…………………………….you fill in the gap!

The Printers Apprentice – A Zig Zag Career.

images (36)So is you career linear – a very straight line or like mine and many others a zig zag affair? I have been at work now for more years I care to remember and in that time I have had 16 different jobs. Adding fuel to the average time of 2 – 3 years people spend in a role. Most of my jobs were loosely connected with transferable skills applied from one industry to another and to an opportunity that I was either flattered to asked to interview, or needed the money for one reason or another. So how does a career work, is it planned or does it just happen to people……..that is the question.

This navel gazing came about as a result of an interesting article by Peter Honey and on LinkedIn recently; on the sometimes zig-zag approach a lot of us take to our careers or working life.

So where did I start off? With my headmasters parting words “and don’t come back”ringing in my ears I left school at the tender age of 16. Having to leave school for being a little bit of a rascal and a tearaway was a badge of honour at the time – though it didn’t last long. Dole money in the 1970’s was £7.70p, enough to give my mother £5 and to fill up the petrol tank of my motor bike for a week or so. Then things changed. After a few months of unemployment I managed to secure a 4 year apprenticeship as a lithographic printer in a Kent based print works, Whitstable Litho.

With the indentures signed by my father and the company to ensure I was not to be seen with loose women (some chance) or drunk in the street, I felt 7 feet tall and finally had a purpose. All this for £18.50 per 40 hour week. How innocent I was for the fun and exposure to an adult working life to come.

The apprentice lithographer title was one I would feel justifiable proud of until returning from the London School of Printing, Clarkenwell one evening. During the train journey and sitting opposite a chap who was a little 3 sheets to the wind (drunk to the uninitiated) asked me what I did for a living. I proudly announced and loud enough for the carriage to hear that I am a apprentice lithographer. The chap thought for a few seconds, eyes wandering desperately trying to make sense of the answer. Eventually through his sozzled haze he slurred with some difficulty – “and I am a photographer to”! I left it there and stared through the condensation of the train window deflating slowly like a old party balloon.

I didn’t plan to become a printer, work in the paper industry research & development, customer technical sales/services, manage international technical development teams, develop training/L&D for sales and management, quality systems, environmental science, run large coaching programmes for sales performance & design Welfare to Work health & wellbeing programmes etc etc. Or even have the faintest idea I would end up as a psychologist & coach with a couple of degrees, helping countless people manage a number of different work & personal issues. So how do careers work and how do people navigate their way through any number of sometimes loosely connected jobs to end up where they are today?

Few people emerging from university or school have any idea what they want to do, if they do perhaps they have had great career advice, coaching & guidance. Perhaps its all about personality as some psychometric developers will tell you. I very much doubt it.

The career or working life that fits the bill at your life stage and is unplanned is some ways quite reassuring. We are all told to plan and try to control every aspect of our lives to win the prize of a glittering career, money or other desired goals. The problem is that our ability to control really stops at the end of our fingertips. We can only control ourselves and in my case that can be a bit slippery. So over to you to have a cogitate about your career or work and how it zig zagged across the years. Or perhaps you are a linear careerist that are travelling from A to B to C to D with no hindrance. In any case I will leave you with this quote from Peter Drucker that will hopefully start your conversation.

“Successful careers are not planned. They develop when people are prepared for opportunities because they know their strengths, their method of work, and their values.” – Peter F. Drucker

Coach Yourself – Its Easy…….Right?

download (11)How many self help books are there that promise a bright new future or a happier life – millions I’ll be bound. In fact I have just searched Google for “coach yourself”and managed 13,500,000 results in 0.36 seconds. So it seems there are a great deal of people ahead of me in this queue.

Now depending upon where you are in your life or career self help and the wise words of countless books can be both a pleasure and a curse. The pleasure being there are a number of ready made answers to life’s problems the curse being having to read them and try to use them. So how easy is it to coach yourself so you can make sense of where you are and most all feel good about the whole business.

I am going to pin my colours to the mast and suggest we start to look coaching yourself with a model that is tried and tested; cognitive behavioural coaching or CBC. You have probably heard of CBT well its the same but without the “tell me about your childhood” therapy. More how are we going to move forward making sense of how thing are and how they could be.

Now one very simple and straight forward model is the ABC Model and is perhaps the most famous cognitive behavioural format for analysing your thoughts, behaviour and emotions. Cognitive behavioural therapy/coaching works on the assumption that your beliefs influence your emotions, your behaviour. By identifying and addressing problematic and automatic thoughts you can help to change your behaviour and experiences for the better.

The ABC Model asks you to record a sequence of events in terms of:

A – Activating Event (also sometimes described as a ‘Trigger’)

B – Beliefs (for example, the automatic thoughts that occur to you when the activating event happens)

C – Consequences – how you feel and behave when you have those beliefs (consequences may be divided into two parts: your emotions and your actions)

So lets have a quick example on how this might work. You are at work and your boss stops you and says “have you got a minute”. Now if you are anything like me my immediate thought is what have I done now! Says more about me than the statement. So the trigger for me is negative as it is my belief that I am in trouble yet again. As a result, I feel nervous, anxious, might need a strong coffee (won’t help the anxiety), might feel nauseous and generally a heightened sense of doom.

Ladies and gentlemen let me introduce to you a choice – a balancing thought. If I had used a balancing thought I would have seen the thing differently, as my boss is probably going to discuss something completely different. One of the approaches of CBC would be to ask you to reflect on whether the beliefs of the activating event are justified, rational or are based on an assumption or errors of initial thought. If on reflection you consider that those beliefs about yourself are not justified you might think of some more realistic balancing statements which you can remind yourself of when the activating event occurs to help keep what is happening in perspective.

So stop and think about those activating events in your life that kick off a whole body experience of something not necessarily good is going to happen. Ask yourself what evidence have you got for this thought and altered feelings about the situation? You can probably cast your mind back to an event in the past that has framed your thinking of a particular event. If its not relevant to this situation then change it, think differently about the event, thinking about the event differently will change the way you feel and behave. Sounds simple but it is a tried and tested method to help bring a sense of perspective into your work & life.

Give it a go, its sometimes hard work as you have to engage in some meta thinking or thinking about thinking. Think about the events that give you the collywobbles and ask is there a different ore positive way of thinking about it. I bet you can and I bet it changes how you feel and behave? Drop me a line if you want to know more.